My sheets look like a crime scene.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
