No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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