Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
