Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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