..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you never un-have a 4some
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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