Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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