think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
