Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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