You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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