So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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