he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
