I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
