youre lurking in front of me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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