Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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