so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
