from now on my penis is your penis
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
