You don't have asthma, your pregnant
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
