ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just invented taco cereal.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
