I love black thongs
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
