Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
