I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
