put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
