If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
