so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
