even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
