he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
