this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
someone owes me an orgasm
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
