Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
