Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
