those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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