final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
