my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she smelled like a LAN party
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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