every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
