And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
