there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
