best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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