I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
