she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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