I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
