sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Damn victory sex feels great
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