I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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