definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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