I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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