1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
