This is not my ceiling
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
