she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I won the penis lottery.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
