I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
