you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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