My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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