You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
